Thursday, July 10, 2008

Someone who used to be the world to me!

He is someone whom I had a crush on way back during my pre-uni days. Thinking back, it was almost 9 years ago when I was just 17. I got to know him 'thru the cyberworld - mIRC if I am not mistaken.

It was not his face which captured my attention, but it was his voice! Nope, he does not have a sexy voice. It is just the mere fact that he speaks good english...at least english good enough for me~

I am an easily satisfied person. I like guys who are smart (in their own ways), and guys who can speak good english. I don't care if he does not have Brad Pitt's face nor 6-packs body. All I am attracted to is a guy's voice and mind at that time (up to now I am still attracted to these 2 fundamentals :p) . And of course he must love me a lot!

He is someone whom I can describe as a "wild boy" - someone who has only night life, smokes, drinks, party, likes fast cars, etc. I was not looking for someone like that, but as all those were his lifestyle, I accepted it and tried to think of them as cool or interesting.

We talked a lot 'thru the phone. He would call me daily in the middle of the night after his partying time and we would talk for hours until 3-4am. I did not mind that at all and even thought it was a privilege that he called me every day. We talked about almost everything...updating each other about our lives.

Sad to say, from the moment I knew him, I already knew he has a gf. He told me right from the start. I was OK with it initially as I did not plan to fall for him. I even thought it was very honest of him to tell it to me. I fell for him unconsciously and I only knew about it after someone told me bluntly "You love him, don't you realized that?". Only then I realized the stupid me had fallen head-over-heels in love with him.

But what can I do? Nothing. I said nothing about my feelings for him but I guessed he knew it at that time. I never asked him to break up with his gf. I even advised him how to cheer his gf up when they quarrelled. In fact, I never asked him for anything.

I was living in a dilemma for nearly 2 years until I met Peter. Once Peter appears in my life, I can really see the difference between them. Peter was willing to be part of my life, while to him, I was just a 'friend thru the phone'. I was able to leave my feelings for him as days go by with Peter's love and care.

It was not an easy phase then, but I learned to be strong and I experienced how hurting it is to love someone and that someone do not love you back. I find this quote "to be loved is better than to love" very true.

My most happy times now are those times shared with Peter. Though Peter makes me cry sometimes, I can only remember those many times he made me laugh. Now I understand the meaning 'love' and 'soulmate' and how a couple should be.

Him & I are still good friends. Not so close as before of course. We still talk to each other once or twice in a month or two. We had grown further apart because of my 'life dependency' of him is lesser now. He is now no longer someone who can determine my mood of the day. He is no longer someone whom I feel sad because he cannot be with me. Now I am able to live my life to the fullest even without him.

The last time I talked to him was just about an hour ago. Had a happy and funny conversation teasing each other about 'once upon a time' and catching up on each other's life.

All in all, I still treasure him as being an important part of my life once and he helped me grow more matured and more wise in terms of my love life. I am grateful for his friendship all these years and I see him as a brother now. May he be as happy as me in finding a life partner and I wish to thank him for being someone who used to be the world to me!

p/s-I don't think he knows the existence of this blog and I don't plan to tell it to him. For those of you who know who he is, I hope you don't reveal out his name or his gf may just KILL him :P

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edited at 7.45pm

oh ya....He introduced me to my ex-bf (first bf) - which was one of his frens. It was a relationship which lasted for just erm..weeks...months? But in the whole relationship, I think I see my ex less than 10 times! And all my dating encounters with my ex were him driving me around in his car.

Arggh....it was a big mistake to say YES to my ex at that time. Whatever made me said it I don't know. I was probably his 20th gf at that time. This is a chapter of my life which I wish to close forever!

And worse of all, his english SUCKS big-time!

10 comments:

Bee Shin said...

Hehee....I hope he is as happy as you now too...Its always great to be able to maintain the friendship, and manage a happy funny conversation once in a while...=D
*muacksmuacksmuacks*

pat said...

i know who he is but i duno his gf.. so how ar? :P

Tan Shu-Yin said...

bee...yes. i am glad we are still very good frens :)

pat...haha. good. better not know!

Steve said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Steve said...

I know who he is .. so u gotta bribe me to shut me up ... muhahaha.....

Tan Shu-Yin said...

steve..wow. i didnt know u read my blog. how did u know bout the existence of my blog? ;)

shu-wen said...

through mine i guess. i dun think steve knows who is he, liar. eh i know who is he, know where he works too :P but duno still same or not... haha but i cant remember the name =.=

Tan Shu-Yin said...

wen..haha..kenot remember his name dee? good!

pat said...

wen.. nx time i see u i tell u his name :P

WEI DONT LAR CHANGE HP NO. sigh...

Tan Shu-Yin said...

haha...aiks, my sis also kenot remember his name and u can remember pat?

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