Friday, February 10, 2012

Separation Anxiety

Usually Shern doesn't have any problems being separated with me. He was ok whenever I leave him at mum's place while I go to work/out. And he was even ok flying to South Africa with my parents and spent 2 weeks there before me.

After the initial happiness of him being a big and brave boy going to playschool without crying, things started become a crying nightmare thereafter. Or maybe I should blame it on the long weekend holidays.

The first 3 days at playschool started off great. Then came the long weekend with 4 days off school. Then when we brought him to playschool on Wednesday, he decided to become a koala and cling-ed on my neck for dear life. And was crying bucketful of tears when I decided to just tear away from him and left him there in the arms of the teacher. When I went to fetch him, teacher commented that he cried on and off. I knew he did participated a little because he went home and sang a new song for me.

Today is Friday and it was the same. He was still a koala and he refused to let me go. Teacher said he cried every time he thinks of me. He didn't want any toys. Nothing could distract him. So I guess I need to stop him for a month or so. I don't want him to have a phobia. Will stop for awhile and then start again. I also noticed that he was more clingy to me at home.

So is this like a new phase of Separation Anxiety?

11 comments:

Julia said...

my hubby dislikes long holidays because of this as well. caris will give all sort of excuses and cry loudly saying "i dowan to go to school".

Tan Shu-Yin said...

But Shern was like crying the whole 2-3 hours there, with just a little pause in between. And he really cries, not the sobbing type.

Sigh.

wendyywy @ Table for 2..... or more said...

My Lyanne was crying in kindy for no reason today too.
Next month, another week off!

Daniel Chew said...

Dont stop. Just tell him to have fun and you will be back to fetch him later. Be tough.

Tan Shu-Yin said...

It is actually the playschool who told us to stop him for awhile.
It's not the tough thingy or not. It's my instincts.

Shihong said...

Not that I am an expert on raising children, but I did read somewhere that it is crucial for a child between 3-5 years old to learn attachment. I don't think it is a bad thing for him to be clingy around that age.

Typically, a lot of parents may feel that they are making the child "more independent" or "stronger", but it is stripping away a child's ability to form strong attachments to people they love.

It can possibly have long-term implications if a child never learnt how to develop attachments to people properly. It can become difficult for him to trust and love people in the future.

Not sure how scientific this is, but I think it makes sense.

chewingonit said...

My take is that unless my kids fall sick, I will continue the school routine. The reason is that I want them to overcome the separation anxiety related to going to school. I will attempt to play more with the child before and after school, pretend play with his favorite toy going to school, ask him school questions eg do you know your teacher's name? to help him overcome. Stopping the school only postpones the school related separation anxiety to a later stage. Older kids do not overcome it easily too so no difference to me.
The above is solely my personal view.

My boy switched school on 01 Feb and is still crying in school. :) I worry too. I'm monitoring to see how. In the meantime I'm trying to help him in whatever small ways I can

My Family's Memoir said...

My son is about the same age as yours. Up till last week he was still crying, sometimes sobbing when we left him at his nursery. Initially he clinged to us too but with heavy hearts, we had to leave him with the teachers. According to his teacher, he will clinged to his bag, sat at a corner waiting to go home.
Every night we will try to convince him to go to school without crying. I also try to read books with stories relating to schools to him.
This morning we saw good progress in him. He walked in to the school on his own, without any sour face, his teachers greeted him and gave him lots of kudos for doing so. We hope he has gotten over with his anxiety.
Good luck to you.

Elly said...

Shu Yin, are they really too for play school? i have another issue like nowadays, whenever Jaden see me leave my dad house as in going back to tony house after seeing him at my dad's place, he would ask ' i want to go back too' like he want to follow me back to tony house also, my heart broken cause i have to leave him with my dad and go straight to tony house after seeing him cause my dad doesn't like to wake up early to pick him up....:( It's challenging being a parent nowadays

Tan Shu-Yin said...

shihong...are u saying that u do agree that this is not to be forced? u r one of those few ppl who say this, and who reallu believe in this. ;)

chewingonit...how old is ur boy btw?

Myfamilymemoir...my boy is not like ur boy. he does not sit in the corner or juz sob. he cries as in really cries. wanting mummy and nothing else. teacher told us that usually they will be ok once distracted. but mine didnt. ntg could distract him. that was y they advised us to wait a mth or so til he is more ready.

elly....sometimes shern does that too. doesnt wanna let me leave when i left him with mum. but gradually he is ok after he kiss me goodbye and everything.
but playschool is different. he is just not ready yet. it';s my instincts telling me.

chewingonit said...

My boy is now two years and four months old. We started him at childcare mornings when he turned twenty months (my girl started at 18 months). As my boy has sensitive airway, he often got sick. Each time he rested at home, we had to restart the learning cycle. He only got better after a four months. When we switched him to the Church Nursery where my girl was in after a year of childcare, he cried again. And yes nothing could distract him. When he cries he gets sick even easier, but I hope he can overcome it despite that. TOday is the first day he didn't cry after he started on 01 Feb in the new school.

There is nothing wrong or right here. It's what we believe and what we want to do. :)

I'm not against Shern stopping. I'm only sharing that starting later doesn't mean he won't have seperation anxiety. :)

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